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Is there a right way to do non-monogamy?
We believe there isn't a single right way to be in any relationship and that being in connection with others is an ongoing and constant negotiation between everyone involved.
There's no shortage of people telling us how we should be loving and relating. These “shoulds” can lead us to feelings of deep shame & guilt around our own desires.
Below we compare some of these “shoulds” to the real-life stories and experiences of over 500 people we’ve interviewed to dispel the myth that there's a “right way” to be non-monogamous.
Please reach out an let us know if you have any questions or if you're struggling with feeling like you're just not doing it... You're definitely not alone.
Our mission is to inspire people to embrace their true selves so that, together, we can open minds and live authentically without shame.
What stories are you telling yourself? What societal myths are you fighting? We'd love to hear from you and we'd love to have you share your story on our podcast to help others feel less alone! Contact us here.
Myth
"I have to know everything about non-monogamy before getting started."
Reality
It's impossible to know everything about anything! We all get to decide for ourselves when it feels right for us to try something new.
Myth
"I have to actively have multiple partners to be considered non-monogamous."
Reality
Some people feel that non-monogamy is something they do... Others feel it's part of their identity.
We all get to decide for ourselves what our labels mean for us.
Myth
"I have to go at the same 'speed' and have the same 'style' as my partner(s)"
Reality
We all move at different paces and have different relational needs. We get to decide for ourselves what works best for us and how we co-create our relationships.
Myth
"It's all about the sex!"
Reality
Non-monogamy frees us from the idea that our partners have to meet all of our needs. We all get to decide for ourselves what our needs are, and how we meet those needs.
Myth
"If I feel any jealousy I must be bad at non-monogamy."
Reality
Jealousy is simply an emotion. It's not good or bad and we cannot control our emotions or when we feel them. Feeling any emotion, even jealousy, doesn't mean you are bad at non-monogamy... It just means you're a human with emotions and feelings. However, it's important to learn how to share what we're feeling without blaming others for our emotions.
Myth
"An infidelity must mean the end of your relationship!"
Reality
Broken relational agreements can be a signal that someone's needs aren't being met. We, along with our partners, get to decide how we handle broken agreements. Repairing a relational rupture can lead to deeper connection and intimacy.
Myth
"Nobody understands me... I'm all alone on this journey!"
Reality
You're definitely not alone!
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There are virtual and in-person communities of people exploring and practicing non-monogamy all over the world!
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